I'm feeling alone, ostracized. I've completely lost who I used to be, and am rapidly becoming this new girl. This new girl who I would never have associated with in the past, a chronic smoker, toker, a girl who doesn't give a shit about school, a girl who is so indifferent to those around her. A girl I would have hated just a few months ago. A girl like me.
I've changed. Who I was is no longer who I am. Who I was is gone, dead, killed in a fatal accident between a girl and her depression. My friends don't know how to deal with this. They don't like who I've become, don't like my new addictions. They talk about it behind my back but are pleasant to my face. I can't deal with it. They can't deal with it. We cling to this semblance of friendship even though we all know how strained it is, how excluded I really am. I feel like I have no one anymore. My confidante is so faraway, my (almost) boyfriend distracted and sharing my addictions.. my former best friends huddle in their group, opening up for me when I come around, but we're too different, really. I love them so much, but they can't accept who I've become, and who can blame them, really?
I can't help this, though. I am just so lost, drifting, confused, indifferent, dust particle in skyway haze. Who am I? Who am I, really?
A fuckup, a stoner, a smoker, a burnout? Attention-seeking whore? (On that note, rips mended, Carissa's character completely changed, laughter, friendship? Weird, double-take).
Today was a bad day. Sorry for the rambles.
