Watch Changeling.

Amazing amazing movie.
Pretty much cried throughout the whole thing.
Have to be up in less than six hours.
So tired.
Sad.

Bummer.

I've been saying that word too much.

My piercing's stopped migrating I think, but it's healing a bit crooked. I don't mind, though. I still love it. Thinking about getting my forward helix and septum soontimes. Tattoos are imminent (when I save up).

Goethe went well today. Made friends with a cute opera singer and a slightly egotistical 40 year old, as well as a francophone girl. German's fun, but it's hard to learn a completely new language. Starting from scratch with this kind of thing is weird. I'm used to having a comfort zone in a language - something to fall back on. I found myself relying on my French, thinking in it, occasionally starting sentences in French instead of English or German. I guess my brain switched into a foreign-language mode or something.

In other news, I wish I could call you. Not having you here has expanded my horizons, friendship-wise. I have a lot more people I can talk to, confide in, hang out with, etc. Close friends. I'm glad. But none of them are you. I guess I just miss you a lot. Can't wait for you to get back home.

I would love

for my room to look like this.

And for my hair

to look like this.

Be prepared to hate humanity.

Watch this.

I saw a beautiful girl today

with a seashell tattooed on the outside of her wrist. Lovelylovelylovely.

Pangaea

Why we watch

Love of following the game. Because the game is not just an art, it’s drama too. It has great metropolitan and minor provincial theatres, with free-spending and penny-pinching impresarios and their megalomaniac obsessive directors. It has legions of critics and a fantastical rotating cast of angels and devils, geniuses and journeymen, fallen giants and rising stars. It offers the spotlight for individual brilliance while relishing the defiance and heart of collective endeavour. It has staged tragedy and comedy, epic and pantomime, unsophisticated music hall and inaccessible experimental performances. It does imperious triumph, lucky escapes, impossible comebacks and stubborn stalemates. It captures the brilliance of unpredictability, the uncertainty of the human heart and the human skill, of improvisation and dance. And those that follow it are not merely the crowd; they are the chorus. Consumers and commentators, spectators and participants, without whom every goal is just a ball in the back of the net, every victory just three points in the bag.
— David Goldblatt in The Ball Is Round: A Global History of Football

I feel like

even if I go away for Winter Break, I've still missed my chance.

I don't want to camouflage myself anymore.

I'm not just some ordinary girl.
I'm going to be so (different, crazy) true to myself that everyone will take notice.

Need to change it up.

I wish I was a natural blonde so I could fool around with my hair colour ... without bleaching it.

My theoretical life

is much sunnier than my real life. It's hard to translate it through.

When I was little,

I used to hear voices like this.

Looking forward.

I want to transform myself.
Into someone new.
Into someone unrecognizable.
Into someone strong.

Because I don't want to tripslipslide back into this again:

Thrive in adversity.

Yeah, well, maybe that's easy for some people. I falter.

Imagine

everything we've ever known
everything ever
lapped up
gone
the world's biggest cover-up

Just finished watching this again,

I lovelovelove everything about the Harry Potter series.
... Most especiallly Draco Malfoy ...
Ah, me.
Momma wants me to make my appointments with the shrink. I hate talking on the phone, though, so I'mma wait.

Sometimes,

we put on masks even for ourselves

I'M THINKING

Tongue web on Friday
Septum in three weeks, yeah?

We Belong

For Good

"Oh, tears, they burn like fire!"
-Elphaba

Kindred Spirit,

This is even harder than I expected it to be. I know you had to go, but somehow, in my heart of hearts, I thought we would be able to fix this. That I would be able to go too, or that you would bow out at the last minute. It's been such a shock that now you're gone. In another continent. Doing all the things I've wanted to do, all the things I've looked forward to for so long. I'm not mad, not at you. It's just hard to understand, hard to realise that this is really happening.

I figured I'd be fine without you. Figured I'd have others to surround myself with, figured I'd have people to share my daily life with. I can see now that I was lying to myself. So many things happened today, and I would reach for my phone to call you or text you, to ask your opinion, to ask your advice, to tell you everything! And then came that moment, that sickening drop in my stomach where I realised that I had no one to share things with. I've had to internalize everything, and it's so hard. Truly, I don't know what I'll do without you. It's all so numb, and I can feel myself slipping backwards into indifference without your bracing views, your intelligence, your creativity. I'm sorry my plane letter was so falsely childish. I didn't know how to put my love for you into words.

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to come back.

I miss you so much already.

Melissa.

Tom

Loose lips

sink ships.

Colour Theory